In Your Shoes
by Catgirl the Crazy
Summary: It's been said that you can never really understand a person until you've stood in their shoes and walked around in them a bit. Lina and Gourry learn the meaning of this in a way neither of them expected. Insanity results. ONESHOT


Lina eyed the roll of parchment on the table in front of her skeptically. Shadows danced around the walls of the tiny room as the dying flame flickered feebly in the ceiling lamp. Folding her arms across her chest, she looked up at the man sitting across from her.

"What guarantee do I have that this thing is authentic?" she demanded.

The man gave her an innocent smile that wouldn't have fooled a zombie. "My dear Miss Inverse, have I ever given you reason to doubt me?" he said in an oily voice.

"Considering that the last so-called 'treasure map' you gave me led to a colony of pink bunny mutants, yes."

The man face faulted. "Now really Miss, you're so petty bringing up little things of the past like that," he said, trying to compose himself.

Lina just snorted. "Yeah, right. So how much do you want for this lousy old thing anyways?"

He told her.

* * *

"Say, I wonder what's taking Miss Lina so long?" Amelia murmured, stabbing her roast beef with a fork. "She's been in there for almost an hour." Gourry said something unintelligible from a mouthful of mashed potatoes. "Mr. Gourry, it's rude to talk with your mouth full," she scolded him gently. The swordsman mumbled something which sounded like an apology, and continued eating with his usual gusto. Amelia sighed. 

Zelgadis took a sip of tea. The inn was now relatively quiet. It was getting late in the evening, and most customers had gone home by now. "You know how she is Amelia," he replied. "She won't leave until she's got that map for half of whatever price he originally offered."

"DIL BRANDO!" An explosion shook the building, causing half the patrons and wait staff to drop their plates and silverware in surprise.

"I guess she's done," Gourry remarked nonchalantly, swallowing his mouthful of potatoes. Right on cue, a door in the back of the room burst open. Lina stomped out in an angry huff amidst a cloud of black smoke.

"Who does that guy think he is?! Expecting me to pay that ridiculous amount for some so-called treasure map that might not even be real!" she fumed, stomping over to their table.

"Hey Lina, how'd it go?" Gourry asked cheerfully.

She ignored his question, instead turning to glaring to at the nearest waiter. "Hey pal! Get me your lunch special for 10, and step on it!" He squeaked in terror and dashed into the kitchen. Lina plopped herself into a chair, still muttering darkly.

"H-hey!" a charred figure emerged from the smoking room. He pointed a finger at her furiously. "Y-you can't do that!"

Lina turned and shot him a death glare. "Considering how much you wanted me to pay for this lousy old scrap of paper-" she brandished it with one hand- "you should consider yourself lucky for getting off so easy!"

The man gaped. "E-easy?! You'll call this getting off easy?!"

"Hey pal," Gourry whispered in the guy's ear. "You should back off now. You don't wanna make her mad; she's completely insane!"

"I HEARD THAT GOURRY!" The swordsman cringed.

"I DON'T CARE!" the man shouted, shoving Gourry aside. "I'm not leaving, not after I've been insulted this much!"

"Oho, so is THAT how you wanna play it?" The glared at each other.

Amelia sighed in resignation. "I'm probably gonna have to for damages again." She buried her face in her hands. "Daddy's gonna kill me!" Zelgadis gave her a comforting pat on the shoulder.

* * *

_Two hours later…_

"Miss Lina, you really need to learn to control your temper!"

"Oh, c'mon Amelia, that guy was asking for it!"

"You didn't have to blow a giant hole in wall!"

"It wasn't _that_ big! They'll have no trouble fixing it."

"Easy for you to say! You're not the one who had to pay for all the damages!"

"Oh, quit your whining. It's not like Seyruun doesn't have money to pay for this."

"That's not the point! Making other people pay to clean up your messes is unjust! Besides, you've got plenty of money too from when you raided that bandit camp the other night. Why didn't you pay for it yourself?!"

"But Amelia! I'm saving that money for emergencies!" Lina faked a look of shock. "What if we need emergency supplies and we're in a place that won't let us charge to the Seyruun Royal family with your crest?"

"You can't fool me Miss Lina!" she jabbed a finger at the redhead. "I heard you counting the money you got from selling your loot last night. If you'd paid the damages yourself, you still would have had plenty of money left over!"

Zelgadis sighed and tuned them out as the two girls continued arguing. "Those two…" he muttered.

"You know," Gourry remarked off-handedly, "I'm surprised at the amount of self-control Lina showed earlier."

"What?" Zelgadis gave him an are-you-nuts kind of look. Lina had many traits that people would frequently remark on. Her self-control was not one of them (her lack thereof was quite another story altogether though…) He was especially surprised to hear it from Gourry, of all people. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well, considering how angry she was, I was seriously expecting the entire inn to be completely leveled by the time she was done," he explained. "But it was still standing. Mostly." There was nothing Zelgadis could say to that.

Amelia's cries of pain brought them back to reality. Lina, with all her usual diplomatic skill and talent, was currently holding the aforementioned princess in a headlock. "Rope! Rope!" Amelia choked, trying to pry Lina's arm off her neck.

Gourry decided he should probably intervene before things got out of hand. He tapped her on the shoulder. "Hey Lina, I've got a question."

Lina sighed and grudgingly let go of Amelia's neck. Answering questions from Gourry was something that would require her full concentration. "What is it Gourry?" She braced herself for whatever idiotic queries he might send her way.

"What's on that piece of paper that makes it so important?" They all blinked in surprise.

"You know, he's got a point," Zelgadis said. "You never did tell us." Amelia nodded agreement, still tenderly massaging her neck.

Lina blinked again. "Oh, well, uh," she pulled the paper in question out from a pocket in her cape. "Well, according to the guy I, hem, _obtained_ this from, it's supposed to be a treasure map of some kind."

"A treasure map?" Zelgadis furrowed his eyebrows. Plenty of shady characters would sell so-called 'treasure maps' to gullible travelers to make easy money. But Lina probably knew that already.

"Yeah," she nodded. "Have you ever heard the legend of King Minos?"

"King who?" Gourry asked immediately, while Zelgadis and Amelia shook their heads.

"According to the legend," Lina began, "Minos was the ruler of a really wealthy kingdom somewhere near here, about 500 years ago. One day, he was invaded by the neighboring kingdom. As the invading army got closer to the capitol-"

"Let me guess," Zelgadis interrupted. "He cared more about protecting his money than protecting his kingdom." These sorts of legends were very predictable.

She nodded. "He was terrified that if the invading army ever reached the capitol, they might steal all his money and treasure. So he decided to have all the contents of Royal Treasury moved to a safe location. However, Minos was really paranoid, and was afraid that if he ordered anyone else to do it, they might betray him and tell the other kingdom where it was."

"So what did he do?" Amelia asked.

"Well, since he didn't trust anyone else to do it, he did it himself. For 8 years, he spent everyday, and a lot of nights, carrying his treasure bit by bit to the new location. However, when he finally finished and returned home he discovered that in his absence, the neighboring country had conquered his kingdom. He was eventually arrested by the new rulers, who put him on trial and had him executed."

"Serves him right!" Amelia pointed at the sky. "Letting himself be blinded by his own greed and avarice, and not protecting his kingdom and people! Such selfishness deserves a fate like that!" They ignored her.

"Then what happened to the treasure?" Zelgadis asked.

"No one knows. The knowledge of its location died with Minos, so unless someone found it, it's still there." Lina's eyes lit up greedily at the thought of all that treasure, just sitting around and _waiting_ to be found. She indulged herself in a quick fantasy about what she would do with it all if she found it.

Amelia picked up the piece of paper and examined it. "So this map leads to the treasure?"

"Yeah. Or at least, that's what the guy told me." Lina scowled, a sour taste in her mouth. "For all we know, it could be a fake."

"Well, I guess there's only one way to find out," Zelgadis remarked. Lina nodded and turned to her protector.

"So, does that answer your question Gourry? Gourry?"

"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….."

"Fireball!"

* * *

_Later_

"Hey Lina, are you sure we're not lost?"

"Of course I'm sure, Gourry. Why?"

"Cuz that's the fifth time we've passed that tree." He pointed. Realizing he was right, Lina screamed in frustration.

"Damn it!" She crumpled the map and threw it on the ground in frustration. "I knew this was going to be a fake!"

Gourry attempted to calm her down. "It's not that bad. You never actually paid for this thing, so it's not like you wasted money." She scowled at him.

Amelia picked up the crumpled piece of paper and smoothed it out carefully. Looking it over, she frowned. "That's odd…" she murmured.

"What is it?" Zelgadis asked.

"Well, it's just that…" she pointed at the map and explained the problem to him.

Lina continued fuming. "This was a complete waste!" she moaned, stamping the ground. "Why did I buy it from him?! I should have known it was gonna be fake!"

"Hey Miss Lina! I think I know what the problem is!" Amelia and Zelgadis came running over them.

"Huh? What is it Amelia?"

Zelgadis gestured at the map. "The compass rose on the map wasn't drawn correctly, so it's not pointing north like it's supposed to."

Amelia nodded vigorously. "You've been reading it wrong the entire time Miss Lina!"

"Oh…" All of a sudden she felt very stupid. "Well don't just stand there! Gimme that!" she snatched the piece of paper out of their hands. After taking a minute to get their bearings, they started walking again, this time going in what Lina hoped was the right direction.

"Hey Lina, I think I see something," Gourry said after a while, pointing at a large cliff face directly in their path.

"What does the map say about that?" Amelia asked, peering over Lina's shoulder.

"According to this…" Lina scanned the map and frowned. "There's supposed to be an entrance right over there." She gestured at a section of the cliff face just off to their left. "But I don't see anything."

"Are you sure you're reading that map correctly?" Zelgadis asked.

"Of course I am!" She snarled and chucked a rock at the cliff. "Damn it! I knew this was gonna turn out to be fake."

"Isn't that what you said before?" Gourry pointed out. Lina just gave him a look.

"Hmm, I wonder…" Amelia moved towards the section of the rock face in question.

"What is it?" Zelgadis asked.

She didn't immediately answer him. Suddenly, Amelia tripped... and disappeared right into the rock face!

"Amelia!" Zelgadis cried out in alarm.

"Huh? What happened, Zel?" Gourry and Lina ran over to join him.

"Amelia disappeared!"

"Wha-?!"

"Hey, everyone!" The girl in question emerged from the rock face. Or at least, her head and upper body did. The three of them gaped. You would too if you saw someone's head and torso sticking out from solid rock. "I think I've found the entrance!" she said happily. "It was concealed by this illusion here." She gestured at the section of the cliff she was currently standing in.

Gourry tentatively poked the rock. His hand passed through it like air. "Huh, Whaddaya know." They stepped in after Amelia and found themselves in a long, dark, corridor-like cave. Zelgadis looked back at where they had just come in. He could still see the rock face, but it look transparent from this side of the entrance, and he could see outside too.

"Well, what're we waiting for?! Last one there's a rotten egg!" Lina charged off down the passageway.

"Hey! I'm not rotten!" Gourry took off after her.

"Those two," Zelgadis sighed. Amelia smiled at him.

_Crack!_ There was a brilliant flash of light up ahead. The swordsman and sorceress collapsed to the ground, not moving.

"Miss Lina! Mr. Gourry!" Worried, Amelia started running towards them, but she felt hand grab her shoulder and stop her. "Why are you stopping me Mr. Zelgadis?!" she demanded "We have to help them!"

"Yes, but if you go charging off without thinking first then the exact same thing could happen to you!" he snapped. He pointed at the cave wall just up ahead. "Do you see those markings over there?" Amelia squinted in the dim light.

"Yeah… there's a weird power emanating from over there," she replied.

Zelgadis nodded. "Lina and Gourry collapsed right as they ran past those markings. I bet it's some sort of booby trap to keep out intruders."

Amelia glanced at her fallen companions worriedly. They couldn't get to Lina and Gourry without walking past those markings, but if they did that, then the same thing would happen to them too.

"If we want to get past it without getting caught, we're going to have to break the spell," Zelgadis commented.

Amelia nodded and chanted quietly, hoping it would be enough. "Flow Break!" The power emanating from the markings vanished. She grinned. It worked! But this was no time to celebrate.

She rushed over to her friends. Right on cue, Gourry stirred and sat up slowly with a moan. "Ow, my head hurts."

"Are you alright Mr. Gourry?" Amelia asked anxiously.

"Yeah… very funny Amelia," he said sounding not at all amused.

"Huh?" she stared, puzzled. "What're you talking about?"

"Very funny joke, calling me 'Gourry.' So funny I forgot to laugh."

"Huh?!" Amelia looked to Zelgadis for an explanation. He merely shrugged; he was as confused as she was.

A moan came from a few feet away. Lina sat up clutching her head. "My head…" Suddenly she noticed Gourry sat next to Amelia and Zelgadis. Gourry stared at Lina. Lina stared at Gourry. Then, simultaneously springing to their feet, they pointed at each other and shouted in unison: "What the heck is that?!"

Zelgadis and Amelia only became even more bewildered. "Um, are you sure you two are feeling alright?" Amelia asked nervously.

"What the heck is going on?!" Gourry shouted in a panicky voice, not answering her question. "Wh-why is there someone over there who looks exactly like me?!"

"Same!" Lina added. "And… AAAAAAAH!" she shrieked like a banshee, staring at her chest. "When the heck did I get these?!"

"Hey! Where'd my chest go?! And when did I get all this armor?!" Both looked on the verge of having a panic attack.

"Mr. Zelgadis, do you have any idea what's the matter with them?" Amelia asked, completely lost by now. He shook his head.

"And where's Lina?!" Lina suddenly added.

"I'm right here!" Gourry snapped back.

"You're not Lina!"

"Of course I am!"

They started shouting at each other, their voices getting louder.

"QUIET!" Zelgadis shouted. Silence fell. "Thank you," he muttered. "Now, could you two please explain to me what the hell is going on here?"

"Don't ask me!" Gourry said in an angry voice that was uncharacteristic for him. "I just wanna know where Gourry is and why there's someone who looks exactly like me standing over there!"

"Huh?" Lina looked confused. "I'm right here. But who are you, and why do you look exactly like me?"

"I asked you first!"

They started arguing again. Zelgadis sighed. "This is getting us nowhere."

Amelia's eyes grew as big as dinner plates as realization hit. "Wait you two! I think I've figured it out!" They kept arguing.

"I don't think they're listening to you," Zelgadis remarked.

_Time for drastic measures then,_ Amelia thought grimly. "Burst Rondo!" There's was a series of flashes and small explosions, creating the desired result of silence. "Miss Lina, Mr. Gourry, I think I've figured out what's happened!"

"You have?!" Gourry asked excitedly.

Amelia nodded. "When you two ran past those markings on the wall, it must have set off a spell which caused you too to switch bodies!"

"Wait a sec," Zelgadis interrupted. "Are you saying that Lina is now in Gourry's body, and Gourry is now in Lina's body?" Amelia nodded, and waited for a reaction from the swordsman or sorceress.

Gourry- or rather, Lina- started sobbing uncontrollably. Amelia blinked. She had been expecting Lina to get angry and/or violent, not to start crying.

"I don't wanna be a guy!!!!" she wailed.

"I don't wanna be a girl!!!!" Now Gourry was sobbing too.

"Don't cry!" Amelia said, sounding distressed. "I'm sure there's a way to reverse it!" _There has to be! _"I'm sure we'll find a way to turn you back to back to normal!" She looked at Zelgadis for reassurance. "Right Mr. Zelgadis?"

The chimera suddenly looked very uncomfortable. "Uh, well, er…"

Suddenly Gourry stopped crying. "Hey Amelia, walking past those markings on the wall is what made us switch bodies in the first place, right?"

"Uh, yeah…"

"So if we walk past them again, wouldn't that switch us back?" he asked.

"Oh, well, you see, um…" Amelia played with her skirt nervously. "When you and Miss Lina collapsed, me and Mr. Zelgadis were afraid that if we walked past those markings to help you, the same thing would happen to us, so we sort of, um, broke the spell…" she said in a small voice.

Lina gave her a withering look. "So basically you can't reverse the spell?"

"Not necessarily," Zelgadis interjected. "A Flow Break was able to break the spell on the wall. It might be able to reverse what's happened to you."

"Oh." Lina visibly brightened. "Well then what are you waiting for Amelia?!"

Silently thanking Zelgadis, Amelia started chant. "Flow Break!" There was a flash of light, and a glowing blue hexagram formed on the floor around Lina and Gourry's feet for a moment, before vanishing.

"Did it work?" Zelgadis asked.

"I've still got breasts!" Lina- or rather, Gourry- moaned. Amelia sighed. So much for that idea.

"Any other bright ideas Zel?" Lina growled.

"Oh, I got one!" Gourry snapped his fingers. "My cousin told me that if two people run into each other and hit each other really hard, they switch bodies!"

Lina groaned. "Do you honestly think that'll work?!"

"Hey, it can't hurt to try!" Privately, Lina thought that it would, but since no one seemed to have a better idea, she decided to give it a try.

Standing a little ways away from Gourry, Lina took a moment to feel stupid before charging down the passageway at him.

The two collided with a painful thud that made Zelgadis wince. "Ow…" Lina groaned. "Urgh! That didn't work either! AND my head hurts!"

"YOUR head hurts?" Gourry muttered. "How do you think it feels to crash into something as big as me?"

"It was _your_ idea jellyfish brains!"

Amelia sighed. "I guess we're going to have to find someone who can reverse this…"

"Urgh! Damu Brass!" Lina blasted the cave wall. Blasting stuff always made her feel better. Then she noticed the odd looks Zelgadis and Amelia were giving her. "What?"

"Um, Miss Lina, you just did magic."

"So?"

"Shouldn't you not be able to do that, since you're in Gourry's body now?"

Lina merely shrugged. "I guess my magical power got switched too."

Amelia shook her head. "This is so strange!"

"What do you mean?" Gourry asked.

"I know it's really Miss Lina, but it still looks and sounds like Mr. Gourry," she explained. "It's weird to you look and sound like Mr. Gourry but talk and act like Miss Lina."

Lina gave her a look. "YOU think it's weird? How do you think WE feel?"

"Huh?" Amelia looked nonplussed.

"Amelia," Gourry said patiently. "How would you feel if you woke up one day and discovered you were a guy?"

"Oh…"

"Exactly."

* * *

It had been a very long day. Eventually, someone had suggested that they go deeper into the cave to where the treasure was to see if there was a counterspell there. Lina had been game for that (mostly because of the treasure). As luck would have it though, whatever treasure that had once been there had long since been stolen, AND there was no clue to how they could reverse their predicament either. 

And, now they faced another dilemma.

"I'm sorry sir, but we only have two vacant rooms," the clerk said apologetically. Lina twitched. She wasn't sure which was worse- the fact that there were only two rooms left, or being called "sir."

Normally in these types of situations, Zelgadis and Gourry would've taken one room while Lina and Amelia would've taken the other. But current circumstances made that a bit… weird.

"Can't you just kick a couple people out or something?" Lina glared.

"Very funny sir," the clerk grinned, obviously thinking she was joking (or maybe he was just pretending?).

"Hey, why don't you and Mr. Gourry share a room?" Amelia chirped.

"What?!" Lina stared at her like she'd sprouted horns.

"It won't be that bad. It'll be like sharing room with yourself!" she explained, not making much sense.

"But what about you?"

"What about me?" Amelia looked at her blankly.

"If me and Gourry are sharing a room, then you and Zel have to share a room too," Lina pointed. An evil idea popped into her head. She faked a look of sudden understanding. "Oh. OH. I see. Well if _that's _what you two want…" she cackled and waltzed off to her room, Gourry in tow.

"W-wait! That's not what I meant!" Amelia cried, her face the color of a ripe red tomato.  
"H-hey! Lina!" Zelgadis, meanwhile was turning a very interesting shade of purple, which reminded a passing grape farmer that he needed to get home to water the vineyard…

"I guess we'll be taking the two rooms then," Amelia murmured.

* * *

_Later_

Lina hadn't thought sharing a room with Gourry would be too big a deal. They'd done it plenty of times before, when the inn they were staying at had only one room available. Lina would usually hang her mantle up in one corner of the room and a sort of "curtain" for them to change behind. As for the bed, they would usually both sleep on the floor. The beds in low-quality inns like this one weren't usually that comfortable anyways.

No, that wasn't the problem. The problem was that the whole "body switching" situation had presented unseen difficulties. Like changing, for example. Normally, she would've hung up her mantle and changed behind that. But somehow, because of their current situation, that felt… weird, somehow.

"Ow!" Lina turned to see Gourry hopping around on one foot with his eyes shut, buck naked except for a half-on piece of underwear. She blinked in surprise. _What the-?_ It was weird seeing him like that, since technically she was just seeing herself naked. Like looking in a mirror, almost.

"Um, Gourry, what're you doing?"

"Changing," he replied simply, still struggling to get his underwear on without looking.

"But why do you have your eyes shut?"

"So I won't see you naked."

"But I'm not… oh." Lina wasn't sure how to react to that. She returned to the problem at hand.

For some reason, a large part of her really wanted to see what she (or rather Gourry) looked like without any clothes on. Why, she couldn't figure out. She shook herself mentally. Besides doing that felt… wrong somehow, especially after her protector had made himself look like an idiot trying to change without any clothes on.

_Oh, screw it, I'll just sleep in what I'm wearing._ She was really too tired to care anyways. She took off Gourry's armor and dumped it on the floor without ceremony. Grabbing a blanket and pillow, she lay down on the floor and instantly fell asleep.

Or at least, that's what she tried to do. "Hey Lina?" Lina debated her options. She could ignore him and pretend to be asleep. Or she could fireball him for disturbing her well earned rest. She decided to go with former option. She was too tired to do magic. "Lina." She closed her eyes tighter, hoping he'd get the message. "Lina." That fireball option was starting to become tempting… "Lina!" He shook her.

"What, Gourry?!" she snapped, finally getting up. "This had better be important!"

"Lina, when do girls have that time of the month?"

Lina stared at him like he'd sprouted tentacles. "What?"

"When do girls have that time of the month?" he repeated patiently.

She continued to stare at. What kind of question what that?"

"Gourry, are you feeling all right?"

Puzzled, he pressed hand to his forehead. "I think so. Why?"

"Well why on earth are you asking when girls have that time of the month?"

"If I'm gonna have to be a girl for a while, I should probably know this stuff, right?" Lina supposed that made sense, but still, talking about that 'that time of the month' with Gourry?

"Uh, once a month I guess."

"What time of month?"

"Depends on the girl. Gourry, can we just drop the subject?" She really did not want to be discussing this with him of all people!

He ignored her. "What about you?"

She glared at him. "None of your business. We'll have this mess straightened out long before then." _And if we don't, things start exploding._

There was silence for a minute. Lina tried to go back to sleep. "So what exactly happens during that time of the month anyways?" She turned bright red.

"Gourry, I told you let's drop the subject!" she shouted.

"I know you lose your magic powers, but isn't there something else too? What else happens?"

"Gourry…" she ground her teeth angrily. _If he doesn't stop soon there's a Mega Brando with his name on it…_

"Oh!" he had an "Aha!" look on his face. "Do you turn into vampires at night? Or werewolves? Or demons? It would explain a lot."

"You wanna know what happens?!" Lina shouted furiously. "Let me tell you _exactly_ what happens, if you're so curious!"

* * *

_The next morning…_

"Mr. Gourry, you look so pale! Didn't you get enough sleep last night?" The blond swordsman (though technically a redhead now) grimaced and shook his head. "Why not?" Amelia asked, concerned.

"It's his fault for wanting to know what that time of the month is," Lina muttered irritably. Gourry cast a sideways glance at Amelia and shuddered slightly.

"Oh…" Amelia replied, turning slightly pink. "Erm, anyways,' she coughed trying to change the subject, "Who are we going to see again?"

Lina shrugged. "Don't ask me. Zelgadis is the one who's friends with this guy."

"Mr. Zelgadis?"

"I wouldn't call him a friend really," Zelgadis replied. "More of an old acquaintance. His name is Alphonso. I met him a few years back while searching for my cure."

"Alphonso? I think I've heard that name somewhere.." Amelia murmured.

He nodded. "Yes, he's a sorcerer with a considerable reputation as an exorcist and curse breaker. Unless he's moved since I met him, he lives by a lake a couple days' travel from here."

Lina groaned. "Why is it that whenever we need to go to some powerful and talented sorcerer for help, he always lives miles away from civilization out in the middle of no where? Wouldn't it be a lot better for business (not to mention easier for us) if they just opened up shop in the middle of a city or something?"

"Maybe he doesn't want annoying people to bother him?" Gourry suggested, earning himself a ticked off look from Lina.

"Or maybe the world is just really cliché," Zelgadis said. Amelia opened her mouth to add something, but she was interrupted by a familiar shout.

"Give us all your money if you want to live!"

"And speaking of clichés…" Zelgadis muttered dryly. A horde of brigands emerged from the bushes. They looked like your average stock thugs: some had eye patches, were only partially clothed, wore bandanas, etc. All were utterly filthy. Though one of them, for some inexplicable reason, was wearing a chicken suit. _Weirdo._

Lina grinned. This was the perfect way to vent all her frustrations from the past couple of days. As the bandit leader started yammering on about how if they valued their lives they should surrender all their valuables and whatnot, Lina was well into chanting her first spell.

"Mega Brando!" The closest gaggle of bandits flew up in the air amid the explosion, raining back down to earth with undignified thuds.

"Kiya!" Amelia launched herself off a tree, clobbering the chicken-suit sporting bandit. She turned and gave Lina a disgruntled look. "Miss Lina, you didn't let me make a speech."

"Fireball! Oh, c'mon Amelia, do you really think they would've listened?"

"Well, no, but that's not-"

"Then I was just ensuring that we dispensed justice upon them that much faster!" Amelia tched in annoyance, but gave no further reply, using a well placed Burst Rondo to scatter a group of slightly charred bandits.

Lina took a moment to see how Gourry and Zelgadis. It took her a minute to find them. Both were standing calmly off to the side of the road. She twitched. "Aren't you two gonna help?!"

Gourry absently picked at dirt beneath his fingernails. "Why? You never have any trouble taking care of bandits yourself."

_Oh, so when bandits attack, just sit back and let Lina do all the work?!_ She growled at him, but didn't berate him further. There would be time for that afterwards. The remaining bandits seemed to have lost a lot of their enthusiasm. Most were trying to make a run for it. "Oh, you're not getting away THAT easily," she grinned maliciously. Time to vent her frustrations. She'd been feeling stressed lately.

"Darkness beyond twilight..." Very, very stressed.

Years of traveling with Lina causes one to develop certain instincts. Those instincts kicked in as Gourry, Zelgadis, and Amelia dove for cover behind a large boulder. A handful of bandits realized what she was doing and attempted to run for it.

"By the power you and I possess! DRAGON SLAVE!" Just about the last thing she expected to happen happened.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Somewhere in the forest, birds chirped. She blinked in surprise, as did most of the bandits. Her comrades poked their heads above the boulder curiously. The bandit wearing the chicken suit broke the silence and snickered. Lina snarled. She may not have had any idea what was going on, but no one laughed at Lina Inverse and got away with it!

Suddenly the bandit's mood matched his attire. Being bigger and taller probably helped add to that effect.

"Mega Brand!" And the fact that she'd just blown up most of his comrades.

* * *

_Later_

"Lina, what happened back there?"

"That's exactly what I'm trying to figure out!" Lina ground her teeth in frustration. With the last of the bandits disposed of (sadly, they were pretty lousy thieves and had little to no loot), they could now turn to the newest mystery of the week.

"It couldn't have been that time of the month," Amelia murmured. "And obviously the rest of your spells are working fine-" she glanced at the smoking carnage behind her- "So your magic can't have been sealed."

Lina yanked at her hair. Ok, technically it was Gourry's, but that wasn't the point. "Urgh! I don't get it! Why can't I cast the Dragon Slave all of a sudden?!"

"Maybe it's got something to do with what's happened to us?" Gourry suggested.

Amelia frowned. "But I thought Miss Lina's magic got switched too."

"Maybe," Zelgadis said, "We were too quick to assume that was what happened."

She gave him a quizzical look. "What do you mean?"

"Maybe," Zelgadis clarified, "We were too quick to assume that the reason Lina can still do magic is because her powers were switched as well."

"You mean they might not have switched?"

"Don't be ridiculous Zel," Lina scoffed, "That would mean-" She stopped. Wait a second… No, it couldn't be. "Gourry, gimme your hand."

"Huh? Why?"

"Just do it!" He gulped and obeyed. Lina took his hand in hers and closed her eyes in concentration. Zelgadis watched intently, while Gourry and Amelia looked confused. After a moment, Lina let go and opened her eyes, swallowing hard. "I don't believe this. You were right Zel. It looks like Gourry has all of my usual magic power right now."

Amelia's bugged out. "What?!"

Zelgadis nodded. "I suspected as much."

The (former) blond in question scratched his head in puzzlement. "What does that mean?"

"It means, Gourry," Lina said slowly, "That you can do magic."

"Yeah, so what?" _CRASH!_ Everyone except him fell down simultaneously.

"WHADDAYA MEAN, 'SO WHAT'?!" Lina half screamed at him. "This is huge! Do have any idea what it would mean if you learned how to cast spells and stuff?!"

"…Should I?" She groaned.

"I wonder," Amelia said to Zelgadis while Lina continued to yell at her protector, "Judging from how Miss Lina was fighting the bandits, Mr. Gourry's got a pretty great magical capacity. How could he have gone through his entire life without anyone ever realizing it before now?"

"Maybe they have," Zelgadis replied, while Lina pounded the crap out of Gourry. "But even if someone tried to teach him, I doubt he'd have been able to remember the incantations correctly."

"Th-that's true…"

"Anyways!" Lina said abruptly, apparently done with yelling at Gourry for the moment. "We're wasting time here. Let's get moving so we can find this Alphonso guy and get this mess sorted out as quickly as possible."

* * *

In spite of their current situation, one thing about Lina and Gourry hadn't changed. "Food!" Like two starving animals, the pair of them dove into their heaping pasta platters with a vengeance. Many of the inn's patrons wondered if there was some sort of eating contest going on. 

"So how much farther until we find this Alphonso person?" Amelia asked, ducking as tomato sauce splattered all over the place.

"Not far," Zelgadis replied, not batting an eye as a fork flew across the room, missing his face by inches. "We should reach him by tomorrow."

"Don't you dare touch those meatballs Gourry!" she snarled at him. After finishing off the bandits (and the new development with Gourry's ability to do magic) the four of them had continued traveling until they arrived at the next town. And speaking of Gourry doing magic, she made a mental note to start teaching him once this was all over. Sure he probably wouldn't be able to

"Excuse me, sir." A soft female voice came from somewhere behind her, accompanied by another high pitched giggle. It was a minute before Lina realized she was the one being addressed. She turned to see two young girls of about 16 or 17. They looked to be sisters; spoiled daughters of some wealthy merchant judging by their clothes and make up.

"Wha oyoo ah?" she said through a mouthful of noodles. The shorter girl, who looked liked she'd soaked her hair in a bucket of bleach for three days straight, giggled.

"I was wondering, if you'd like to come sit with us," the brunette said shyly. Her hair resembled a beehive. The fake-blond giggled again.

Lina's eye twitched. Wasn't this peachy. "No," she said flatly, before turning back to her food, ignoring the scolding look Amelia was giving her. Gourry, in the meantime was trying his hardest not to burst out laughing and spray bits of pasta sauce everywhere.

"Oh, please come sit with us!" The blond- obviously not knowing when to quit- said in a pleading voice about as real as the color of her hair. She draped her arms around Lina's neck. "It's so lonely, sitting in the corner, all by ourselves…"

* * *

"Lina, don't you think you were a bit too harsh?" 

"Of course not Gourry! She was asking for it."

"Yeah, but still!"

"Oh, come on, I agreed to pay their hospital bills, didn't I?"

"Only when their father threatened to have you thrown in jail!"

"The bills got paid, they'll be fine, so it's alright in the end! Besides, how would you have felt if it was a guy hitting on you?"

Gourry shuddered, remembering the Volun incident. Ok, she had a point… "Yeah, but do you really think any guy would want to hit on me when I have a figure like yours?"

Lina glared at him, but gave no further response. It was still pretty early in the morning, and she was too tired to beat him up right now. She yawned. It was pretty boring out here. The landscape hadn't changed much over the past few days. She was getting bored of staring at nothing but trees, rocks, and the dirt path.

Actually, to call it a dirt path would have been giving it too much credit. It was little more than a long patch of ground winding through the forested hills, whose only qualifications for being a "path" was the fact that it had no trees or underbrush growing on it. It was just barely wide enough for them to walk single file, and was littered with rocks, boulders, and tree roots as thick as Lina's arm. Pebbles had a nasty habit of finding their way into boots and shoes.

_Guess they don't have much tourism around here, huh?_ Lina thought wryly. "Hey Zel," she called to the chimera up ahead (he had the map and was the only one who'd been here before, so he was in the lead). "How much farther? All this hiking is making my feet hurt!"

"Then why didn't you fly over?" Gourry asked innocently.

Lina gave him one of her perfected how-dumb-can-you-be-asking-that-question looks. "Because it's really far and flying would've worn me out even more!"

"Not much farther," Zelgadis interrupted. "The lake is just on the other side of this hill." He glanced back. "Hey, where'd Amelia go?"

Lina glanced back at Gourry, surprised. "Huh? Wasn't she right behind you Gourry?"

"Yeah, she was a second a go." He looked confused.

"Hey, Amelia!"

"Amelia, where are you?" They called for their friend, but there was no response.

"I don't get it," Lina scratched her head in confusion. "Where could she have gone? It's not like her to just run off like that without telling us."

"You don't think something could have happened to her?" There was a hint of worry in Zelgadis' voice.

"Aw, don't worry Zel. Amelia's a big girl, she can take care of herself. I'm sure she's fine," Lina said waving him off. A high pitched female scream came from somewhere to their right. It sounded unsettlingly like Amelia.

"You were saying?"

"Shut up Gourry. Ray Wing!" She grabbed her protector and launched herself up above the trees. Zel was already ahead of them.

Gourry clung to her tightly. "Watch it Lina, you nearly rammed my head into that tree!"

"It's not like you would've damaged anything important." Ok, so maybe she was jostling him a _teensy_ bit more so than necessary. He deserved it! Though, now that he was in her body, carrying him was good deal easier. But she would still trade that for getting to be herself again in a heartbeat.

Amelia screamed again. "Over there!" Zelgadis pointed over towards a clearing. There was a small cottage by the side of what was undoubtedly a lake. He dove towards it, Lina not far behind them. The two landed, while Gourry hit the ground with a thump.

"You dropped me on purpose Lina!" he said angrily.

"Hey, I waited till we were low enough that it wouldn't cause lasting damage, didn't I?"

"What kind of consolation is that?!" They were interrupted by a third scream.

"Pervert!" A short and pudgy old man came flying out of the cottage, smacking Lina square in the chest and knocking her over.

"Wha-?" Zelgadis and Gourry looked slightly shell shocked at this new development. They looked up for the cause and saw Amelia huffing angrily in the doorway.

"Amelia? What's going on?"

"Hey!" The old man sat up angrily, still sitting on a slightly dazed Lina. "What was that for?!"

Amelia pointed at him angrily. "Hmph! It was a justly deserved punishment after what you just tried to pull."

"Getting dropkicked out of my own house is a justly deserved punishment?!"

"Hey pal," Lina growled dangerously from beneath him, "Get offa me!" She shoved him violently into a tree. The old man stumbled around backwards, dazed and murmuring about dancing butterflies.

"You know, I sort of feel sorry for the guy," Gourry commented. The old man collapsed onto the ground, singing an off key song about tap dancing beavers and ninja bunnies. Gourry poked him with a stick. "Who is this guy anyway?"

Zelgadis knelt down for a closer look. "It's Alphonso," he said, surprised.

"What?!" Amelia's eyes bugged out. "You mean this perverted old man is the one we're going to for help?"

Lina sighed in resignation. "I guess I should've expected something really cliché like this."

* * *

There are many pleasant ways to wake up. Waking up slowly in a comfortable bed on a day when you know you don't have to get up immediately to do something is one. So is waking up to breakfast in bed (especially if you're Lina and Gourry). 

Then there are less pleasant ways. For example, waking up with a very tall, muscular man looming over you and glaring daggers at you. The wizard Alphonso experienced this firsthand.

"Waugh!!" the old man screeched, scooting away, only to find himself face-to-face with a not-so-tall-and-muscular but still equally threatening black haired girl.

"Listen pal," Lina said dangerously, "The way I see it, you deserve to be-"

"Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeercyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" the old man fell to his knees and pleaded, wailing.

Lina sweatdropped. This was so easy, it was almost embarrassing. "Jeez, lemme finish!" She briefly explained their problem to him. "So if you don't want me to _punish_ you…" she paused for dramatic effect (she was a sucker for that sort of thing), "you'd better cooperate and help us out."

The man sniffled. "But why me?"

"My friend here," she jabbed a thumb at Zelgadis, "tells me you're a pretty good cure-breaker, am I right?"

The man stuck out his chest proudly. "Of course! When it comes to curse breaking and exorcism, there is no sorcerer in the world better than Alphonso the Great!"

"'Alphonso the Great'?" Gourry said dubiously. "That sounds pretty uncreative."

Alphonso ignored him. "Now, about my payment-"

"Your only _payment,_" Lina said through gritted teeth, "Is me not punishing you, UNDERSTAND?"

He gulped. "P-perfectly." His voice sounded a little higher than usual. "Now, heh, let's get started!" He dashed over towards an old looking cabinet, rummaged around, and tossed out just about everything except the kitchen sink.

Lina ducked as a kitchen sink flew across the room. "Well?" she demanded, tapping her foot impatiently.

"Give me a moment," Alphonso told her. "I need to find the right spell book first. Ah, here it is!" He blew some dust off the cover (though he found the dust's presence puzzling, since he used this book on a daily basis), and opened it. He flipped through the pages in an unnecessarily dramatic fashion, before coming to the right one. "Here we go! Now, I'll need your help drawing these magical circles…" He handed them some chalk and a picture of what they were supposed to draw.

When they'd finished, Amelia examined their handiwork. "Er, Mr. Alphonso, are you sure this is right?"

He bristled in an affronted manner. "Of course I am! Why do you ask?"

"Well, the runes around the edge of these two circles here are a recipe for Elmekian brownies." Dead silence followed. Alphonso glanced down at his spellbook and laughed nervously.

"Heh, would you look at that? Wrong spell. Whoops."

Lina groaned. "I've got a bad feeling about this."

"Well, look on the bright side Lina," Gourry said, trying to cheer her up. "At least things can't get any worse, right?" _Whack._ "Ow!"

"Idiot!" Lina shouted. "Don't ever say that cuz when someone says things can't get worse, things always get worse!" _Boom!_ There was flash of lightning and a peal of thunder.

Zelgadis peered out the window. "That's funny. It didn't look like it was going to rain on our way here."

"My point exactly!"

"Hey Lina, does that mean if someone if someone says things can't get any better, they'll get better?" Gourry asked eagerly. Lina chose not to dignify that with an answer.

"Ah! Here we go!" Alphonso interrupted. "Found it!"

"Are you _sure_ this time?" Lina pressed him.

"Positive! Now, I'll need your help again with those magical circles." After a few minutes' work, everything was set up. Alphonso directed Lina and Gourry towards the two circles. "I need you to stand in the center of this one, and you to stand in the center of this one."

Lina tapped her foot impatiently. "Well? Now what?"

"Now, I need you both to do the chicken dance," he instructed.

"What?!" Lina and Gourry shouted at once. "You're kidding!"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I am." They all fell down.

"Listen pal," Lina growled, grabbing him by the shoulders, "Quit messing with us and get this over with!"

"R-right!" he stammered. She put him down less than gently. "Can't these people take joke?" he muttered, and then cleared his throat. He began to chant. Since the story is starting to get a tad long, the author will forgo describing the spell in detail. Let's just say it worked, shall we?

The old man finished. There was silence for a brief moment. Gourry cracked his eyes open a bit and peaked down at himself. "Yes! I'm me again!" he cheered. Lina expressed a similar sentiment in her own fashion.

"Good work pal!" she congratulated the sorcerer by whacking him on the back, nearly crushing his spine. "Knew you could do it!"

"So now what?" Zelgadis asked.

"We get going of course!" Lina declared. "Looks like that storm cleared up pretty fast." Birds chirped while little animals frolicked outside in the forest, like from some old sappy Disney movie.

"Alright. Where?" Amelia wanted to know.

"I have no idea!" Lina replied cheerfully.

"You don't plan much do you Miss Lina?"

"Shut up Amelia."

Alphonso coughed. "Perhaps you might be interested in a treasure map I recently acquired. Rumor has it leads to…" If the elderly sorcerer had noticed Lina's eye twitching angrily, he might have had the good sense to stop. Unfortunately, he didn't.

"Dil Brando!"

* * *

A/N: If you're wondering why it's been taking me so long to update Spirit Crossing, this is part of the reason why. But on the upside, I'm finally out of school! -Dances-

Don't ask me where this idea came from, it just randomly popped into my head one day. Hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
